Before the Dawn
by Seena58
Summary: Love is not simple. Life is not simple. He is both past and present, but cannot see the end. He will find it, though; it just takes time. ::One shot, Jin centric, spoilers::


**Disclaimer: **Property of Koge-Donbo. I just write fanfiction.

**Warnings:** Jin-spoilers (to the end of the manga), weird writing, nonsensical-ness.

**A/N:** Because Jin-bashing seems to be a sort of sport, and it makes me very unhappy. This is the end result of someone who doesn't really know what she's typing, and can't read Japanese… so I could be completely off the mark. -shrugs- And sorry for any (and all) errors you may find here.

* * *

**Before the Dawn**__

_**(there is no end to your suffering)**_

Jin loved Karin; he would do anything for her, would give her everything he had (though, admittedly, it wasn't much) and would remain by her side no matter what. That was what he believed.

_(but was it all a lie?)_

He loved Karin. He disliked Kujyou. Nishikiori was a little strange, but it really didn't bother the idol (although he seemed to see a reflection of himself in the teen with different coloured eyes). Himeka was a nice girl, even if she was related to Kujyou.

Kujyou loved Karin. Karin loved Kujyou. Jin was out of the loop.

_(they had come to love each other long before his time)_

Nishikiori loved everyone, but no one seemed to notice. Himeka cared, like a mother and sister, but he didn't want that. Karin had been the one to save him in his depressions, after all; urged him to move forward no matter what. So when she had asked for him to come and help them, Jin could only comply.

_(to love, but not be loved)_

When he was alone, with nothing more than a tattered poster and his thoughts to keep him company, Jin wondered. _Why? Why why why?_ He was good-looking, a fantastic cook, was independent, and an idol – why was it that Karin did not leave Kujyou for him?

He had asked that question, once, to Nishikiori, who seemed to understand; with a pat on the back, he had gone into a spiel about how difficult love could be, but to always stand firm (no matter what), and then dragged Jin off for ice-cream.

_(cheer yourself up, because you can't have everything you want)_

Jin had asked Nishikiori how one could love, but know that they may never be loved in return. The (former) god of the sea shook his head, almost sadly, and said that it was hard – almost impossibly so – but one had to make sacrifices if they wanted the ones they loved to be truly happy.

Kazune-kun and Hanazono-san were happy together. Michiru was only a friend. Jin was only a friend.

Why did they love in the first place?

Kujyou Kazuto. Hanazono Suzuka. Karasuma Kirihiko. A love triangle which would lead to disaster.

_(but was it what he really wanted?)_

Kirihiko and Suzuka had been good friends; a mutual affection and support they had with each other. It was only natural, then, that Kirihiko would introduce Kazuto to Suzuka, because they were all _friends_.

He had completely overlooked their first meeting – the blushing, the awkward silence, the fact that they seemed to _like_ each other more than should have been. Kirihiko had chalked it to plain nervousness (and had happily broken the silence that had surrounded them) and then they were friends all together.

No. No. Kujyou was only a work colleague, really. And Suzuka was just a friend.

_(keep lying to yourself)_

They had always been in love. Well and truly so. But Kirhiko loved Suzuka (even if the realisation only came _after_ she had fallen for another). It was too late, _but still a chance in the future_, so he focused on the power of the gods – the ability to go beyond what humans could…

Kujyou and Suzuka got married. Kirhiko could only watch on.

_(he hates him, he loves her… it's not fair)_

He got married (to a woman who loved him, although he could never truly return the feelings) and they had children; children who would become puppets in his research with the rings and the power they contained.

_They_ had a child a well; Kirihiko could vaguely recall the fact, as he spilled over complicated diagrams and notes; a girl named Himeka… A child born from love? Was that why?

_(no, no, impossible)_

Kujyou would eventually back out on the project – their life's work – and his child became a vessel, while clones were created to protect her. _Playing god, making life. Wrongwrongwrong._ Kirihiko would do the same, because he would not be beaten. Not again.

He named his other self _Jin_.

_(those feelings, those thoughts, the voices in your head)_

They would die, in the end. He would kill Kujyou, and most likely die in the process, leaving his children to clean up the mess. There would be another chance, though, in another time – he fashioned a ring after Zeus, so one day he could return…

His clone had no other purpose than that.

So he, Karasuma Kirhiko, would die, and wait for a time when he could – _would_ – return to kill those who had wronged him and finally reach his goal.

_(he'll fail, though, because he is no longer Karasuma Kirhiko)_

_An empty shell of a man who once loved_, Nishikiori said softly, while Jin watched the sky darken as time continued to move forward. The idol could only listen to the vague memories of a child who had lost his parents (and his eye) and the man who had saved him… and his friend of whom Nishikiori could barely remember.

Fate had been cruel on him – he had never truly seen how beautiful his children had become – because Kirihiko had been unable to let go; Jin felt it, understood it, and it had almost torn him apart.

He had killed Nishikiori because he had been in the way; Kujyou was supposed to fall. But Jin had been stronger – he _had_ to be – because he was _not_ just a clone of a man who had wanted something he could never have; he was _Kuga Jin -_ idol, son, former god and good friend.

_(times change; people change; that is the will of the gods)_

Jin would not shamelessly follow his goddess (_Karin_) when there was no chance; would not let their love mask his own, because he _could_ love and accept that it could not be completely returned, and Kujyou wasn't all that bad. Really.

But he would one day be there for them again, make friends with Nishikiori and Himeka because they were people who loved unconditionally and without question, and Jin felt he may have finally found a place where _he_ could be happy.

_(he loves karin, but he's not kirihiko; he won't fall this time, because it's different)_

He would be best man on Kujyou and Karin's wedding day, the unity of a love past and present, and be happy for them. That was how it was meant to be, as they would never forget how important he was in their lives (as they were in his).

Then Jin would glance up, see Michiru smile in a vague manner which seemed to say, '_it's how it's meant to be, love_', and knew that, even if life ever became difficult again, he could get through it.

_(love, hate, tolerance… face your lies and move forward)_


End file.
